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My nephew is one year old today.

It amazes me how a child who has only been on this earth for one full rotation of the sun can already have such a well-defined personality. He is independent and persistent and extroverted and musical and mischievous and funny, and he already has a very good sense of what he wants (which is, generally, anything that he is not allowed to have, that is dangerous, or that is in someone else's possession).


He has pretty much changed my life, and- very early on- successfully solidified himself in the #1 slot on my list of favourite people, in spite of the fact that he has peed&drooled&coughed on me (not, thank goodness, all at the same time), dropped my laptop, hit me multiple times in the face, woken me up, stolen my food, buried breadcrumbs in my bed, interrupted me, ignored me, and demonstrated a whole host of other behaviour that would quite certainly annoy me if it were done by anybody else.

I see bits of me in him, which is cool in a completely narcissistic way, but also cool because it bonds us together at some biological level that we have absolutely no control over. I see how Mother Nature works- create a child that reflects pieces of the mother and the father and aunts and uncles and grandparents, and all those people will not be able to keep themselves from loving and protecting him. He has my nose, which isn't actually my nose but the nose of my grandmother passed onto me, but I guess that means it's not really her nose either because she got it from someone else, but anyways, we have the same nose. He also has the same Supernova tendencies that I do before bed, shining brightest before his energy vanishes like the flick of a switch. He, like me, has suffered from FOMO since his birth (the Fear Of Missing Out), and as much as possible, likes to be where the action is. He likes being the centre of attention (I can relate), so much so that if there is a conversation in which the adults at the dinner table are deeply engaged, and he feels he is not getting enough attention, he will make noise- lots of noise- until we notice him.


It's fascinating to see his little brain work, to witness how he processes and applies information, how he watches, takes it all in, and then imitates, which is why he now gives eskimo kisses and raspberries and tries all sorts of noises with his mouth, and nibbles on our toes, and grabs a book and then plops in my lap to read it, and waves and hurrays and stomps his feet.


One of the neatest things about having a one year old around is getting a glimpse of the child and teen and man he will one day be. Now, for the most part, what we see is a whole lot of raw material, shaped by the excitement, pride, encouragement and modeling of his caregivers. He is still untainted by fear and judgment and criticism and misunderstanding and rejection and all those other nasty things that unfortunately, but inevitably, shape our personhood. He is him in his truest form, and I think that noticing those unique elements of him will help those of us who love him to nurture him and protect him and communicate with him in a way that makes him feel safe and free to always be the truest and happiest version of himself.

I have learned a lot from hanging out with the little man. Some of these lessons include the following:

1. Toys that require batteries, light up or make noise are unnecessary, often annoying, and a little bit silly. Don’t buy them for your friends’ kids. No matter how much money you spend on a toy or how many toys you buy, the purpose of play can be achieved just as easily with Tupperware lids, a cardboard egg carton and a spatula.

2. But…every child should own a set of wooden blocks. You can do EVERYTHING important with squares and rectangles and cylinders of wood- you can build things, you can destroy things, you can sort them into piles, you can put them into containers and then take them out, you can throw them and drop them and slide them across the floor, you can chew them, you can hide them and then find them, you can make noise with them, you can pretend with them, you can line them up. Yes, pretty much anything and everything that was ever worth doing can be done with a box of wooden blocks.

3. Books are delicious!

4. Little people make just as much poop, puke, snot and drool as big people. Oddly, the production of these substances in both frequency and quantity is not relative to size.

5. I am hilarious.

6. A baby’s laughter is probably the best remedy for most of what ails this world and its people. It is generous, authentic, inclusive, invigorating and contagious. People who do not smile when they hear a baby’s laughter should probably be tested for a pulse and/or tendencies towards psychopathy.

7. Sleep is a beautiful thing. Cherish it.

8. Trying to give medicine to a squirmy baby, change his diaper, or simply dress him, requires a significant amount of strategy, stamina and creativity, similar to that required in planning a military attack, cutting a dog’s toenails, or catching a chicken.

9. Many activities surrounding the care of a small child are best accomplished as a tag team two man operation- dealing with an overflowing diaper, bathing, feeding, distracting, getting ready to go somewhere. I don’t know how single parents do it!!

10. There are days when it is very difficult to do anything other than make sure Q doesn’t die. Showering, eating, cooking, baking, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, putting on make-up, doing the laundry- these are all extras. Caring for a young child truly is a full-time job. The next person who I hear say something like “Oh, she doesn’t work. She just stays home with her kid(s)” is going to be surprised by my fist in their face and a lecture on the value of a caregiver’s work.

11. I’m not even the mother of this kid and I am still shocked sometimes by how much I love him. I love a lot of people, and I love easily and fully and deeply, but I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone as much as I love this little guy. If you don’t have a baby to love, I suggest you find a friend who has one and go for a visit and snuggle it and cuddle it and kiss its fuzzy little head and make ridiculous faces and noises to get a laugh. You will leave your baby-snuggling experience happier and lighter and freer and probably a better person.

12. This whole "real life" business, where two people live together,  work full-time, manage a household- cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and paying bills- AND care for children, seems like an absolutely exhausting and overwhelming experience. Both parents are permanently tired and there is always too much to do. So parents and partners, I encourage you to be extra conscious of the need to be nice to each other and to appreciate one another. I just don't see how real life can work, otherwise.