JustGiveMeAMinute...It'sInHereSomewhere!!

I am a secret hoarder, or a weightlifter in training, or a wannabe Mary Poppins, or just a perpetually distracted mess of a woman, or all of the above.

I can’t decide.

Anyways, I decided to finally, at long last, clean out all of my most used purses, because it was simply getting ridiculous. I couldn’t find anything EVER, and lugging around these bags was beginning to feel like a bit too much of a workout.

Here, the contents of five fully cleaned out purses revealed:

• An umbrella, which I purchased quite a while ago but have never actually used. For a good long while, every time it rained, I didn’t seem to have it with me, and each time I would say to myself, “Maybe you should put that umbrella you bought in your purse.” I did, and it hasn’t rained since. Go figure! (As an aside, I can’t decide if the umbrella is actually funky or ugly. I struggle with that sometimes- believing something is cool when the rest of the world thinks it’s just plain hideous!)
•  A make-up bag stuffed to the brim with an assortment of cosmetics
• A pile of receipts, most of which, it seems, are for wine
• A pile of crumpled papers, including printed out directions to my homeopath (even though I have an iphone and could easily look up the directions on my phone- old habits, apparently, are hard to break), an entrance card for a design fair that was in…ahem…October, information about a nearby art school, and an invoice from this time a while back when a guy on the street stopped me and asked me to support some kind of poor children fund
• Baubles that broke off a silver ring that I got at a clothing swap a few years ago
• Plastic flowers that must have fallen off the lei I made a few weeks ago for a tropical-royal themed housewarming party
• Papers on which I scribbled some big ideas while I was invigilating a Bio exam last week
• A full box of Panadol Plus medication for my headaches
• Dermalogica sunscreen, to slather on my sensitive skin before I head off on my bike (though I still seem to have a very pink nose- how is that even possible???)
•  A ticket for the tram in Amsterdam
• An airline baggage claim tag from Bonaire to Schiphol (I’m guessing it was attached to my passport and must have fallen off at some point when my passport was hanging out in my purse, which happens from time to time- they’re big here on having identification with you at all times)
• Two lip glosses and a lipstick, none of which I actually bought- one was a gift from a student and the other two came in a gift basket I won from a department store. I need better access to them than if they are in my make-up bag, which usually sinks to the bottom of my purse and requires a great amount of searching to find- this way, while I am chitchatting with someone, I can oh so casually slide my hand into the side pocket of my purse and easily find the lip gloss, apply it and replace it into the pocket without ever stopping the flow of conversation. 
• Solid perfume- always handy
• Weird little lion Queen’s Day figurines that were given to me by the cashier when I bought a friend’s birthday gift at the Xenos (the cashier asked me if I wanted them and I didn’t know what she was talking about or what they were.....so I naturally said “yes”)
• A key chain purchased at the Aboriginal gallery in Utrecht- I don’t seem to ever be able to remember to actually put my keys on it
• One of those things that you use to unlock a shopping cart at the grocery store. I never seem to know where I put it and end up having to use a 50 cent piece (perhaps I should put both the key chain and the shopping cart coin onto my key set?)
• Keys for work
• A very full change purse
•  A little slip of paper with numbers on it that I noticed fell out of my coin purse but should really be in there and I didn’t want to lose it so I quickly shoved it into a zipped purse pocket with the intention of putting it back into my change purse. I got it from a guy I went on a 10-hour date with last summer and he had gotten the numbers from another friend who told him they are supposed to bring you prosperity. I figured, what the heck! I can use all the prosperity I can get. I also have a little lucky elephant in my change purse but its trunk is broken off so I don't know how lucky it is anymore!
•  Loose change, made up of approximately 10 euros, as well as some Aruban florins, American quarters and one of those lucky Chinese coins
• A condom (because you just never know when you might need one- it’s good to be prepared)
• Some tampons (because although you are more likely to know when you need one, it’s still good to be prepared!)
• An assortment of pills- activated charcoal, headache medication, homeopathic pills for coughs, some ricolas & other lozenges, and an assortment of completely unrecognizable tablets that will now have to find a new home in the garbage can since I don’t know what they are and who wants to put something into their mouth if they don’t know what exactly it is!
• Seven pens and four paper clips
• My little notebook, in which I write random little notes, grocery lists, to do lists, phone numbers, and anything else I need to remember (tagged with a reminder to read E.M. Forster’s “Aspects of the Novel”)
• My wallet (which is a temporary replacement for the wallet that was stolen during Carnival- I still haven’t found one that I like enough to purchase)
• A neon yellow H&M change purse, purchased for a tacky 80s party last week, and good for nights when I don’t want all my cards and things with me
• A ridiculous amount of empty pill blister packets
• An orphaned earring- one of my favourites. It chokes me up to even speak of it! A dear friend gave these earrings to me as a gift for my divorce party last year. She bought them from a little old lady selling them in the street in Portugal. I have gone up and down the street where I lost it several times now and can’t find it. I will have to find another use for the leftover earring. And, it’s been decided- no more beautiful earrings while biking. The risk is simply too great!!
•  The plastic cover for a plastic rain poncho (which, by the way, I have absolutely no clue where it is)
• 3 ½ packages of Kleenex
• 5 completely useless used up batteries
• tickets to Shame and Swan Lake
• an assortment of business cards
• an information card about Mindfulness….I don’t know about you but I think I should maybe sign up for that course!!! A little mindfulness would do this girl some good.