3. Breathe
During a Skype chat with my brother the other day, he asked
me if I’d made any New Year’s resolutions. When I told him the five simple
words I hope to use as my guiding goals for this year, he said, “I suppose with
resolutions like that, you don’t really have to worry about failing.” I mean, breathing as a goal? Really? It’s so
simple and obvious and, well, unavoidable. The thing is, though, that sometimes
the best solutions to our problems are the most simple and obvious. If I think
about the recurring struggles in my life, the obstacles that daily block my
path, cause me frustration, tighten that knot in the belly, it is often connected
to one thing: anxiety. Worrying, vibrating at an unsustainable mental
frequency, rushing- these are all behaviours rooted in anxiety. I know that I
can’t think my way through that to
overcome it. I have tried, and it just doesn’t work. It doesn’t help to tell
myself to stop worrying or to slow down. It doesn’t even help to tell
myself that whatever is making me worried or making me feel like I need to
rush, I can handle it. The only thing I have found that helps is to focus on
the one thing I can truly regulate: my breathing. It starts and ends with the
physical- a physical response to a physical sensation. I think I need to rush
because I feel the physical sensation
of rushing in my body. I think I need to worry because my body tells me that I am worried. So, if I can
get out of my head and into my body and just breathe, everything else will
eventually sort itself out. The things that are stressing me do not evaporate,
but my belief in my ability to deal with those stressors improves. I become
calmer, more confident, and eventually more effective.
4. Walk
Nietzsche said, “All truly great thoughts are conceived
while walking.” Dude knew what he was talking about! There is something
incredibly restful and inspiring about walking with no particular destination
in mind, with no time constraints. I haven’t done that in a while. I’d like to
do more of that this year- walking and talking with a friend, walking and
talking with myself, walking and watching, enjoying, noticing, resting in the
rhythmic certainty of just putting one foot in front of the other. It’s good
for the soul, good for the body, good for the mind.
5. Listen
I already very much like to listen- to music, to the stories
of others, to the birds outside my window in the morning, to the conversations
of the kids I teach who don’t know that I can hear them. Often, much of what I
hear brings me joy. All these sounds make me feel connected, and remind me that
I belong to something bigger than just me. Sounds are what I often miss most
about the places I used to call home: the sounds of busses and garbage trucks
and dinging bicycle bells, the sounds of rustling palm trees and tropical
birds, the sounds of barking dogs and skipping ropes hitting the pavement.
Music and memory also remain forever linked. I love how hearing a song can
transport me back to another time and place where I can feel him or her beside
me once again. Finally, listening to the stories and insights of others heavily
shapes my understanding of my world, as it is usually through dialogue with
dear friends that unformed yet weighty feelings and thoughts start to gain
shape and articulation.
This year, I want to become a better listener. I often hear everything,
which is sometimes a bit of a problem, because hearing everything makes it difficult to focus on something. I am perpetually distracted by sound. I am completely
useless at my job if I am in one of our shared workrooms without my headphones
plugged in. I rely on music to
tune out, to focus, and then later to relax and to stay asleep. I want to learn
how to become a better, more refined, and selective listener. I want to learn
how to listen more carefully and intentionally. I want to hear past simply the
words spoken. I want to be able to focus on particular elements of a song or
conversation. I want to learn how to pay closer attention, how to separate the
truth from all that distracting noise. And I want to continue improving in my
listening to myself, to my gut, to learn how to better differentiate between the
skeptical uneasiness brought on by wisdom and the discomfort spurred by a habit
of fear. I suppose that this year I want to develop wiser ears- open to all,
yet more aware of what truly is worth listening to.
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